trauma, fear, shadow, matrix, trauma (1:39:46)
In this video I explore a 4-part cycle I see playing out in myself and others:
- we experience a traumatic event, often early in life
- overwhelmed, we close our hearts in the moment, leaving difficult feelings unprocessed & unresolved within us
- those unresolved feelings we consider bad, wrong, unacceptable, etc., we relegate to shadow, the place of darkness within us that we deny & hide
- we maintain the divide between light & shadow, acceptable & unacceptable, by building a sort of moat, the matrix, which serves as an emotional & psychological barricade between the two zones, keeping us divided and unwhole
- acting from this divided and unwhole state, we generate more trauma, for ourselves & others, which perpetuates & accentuates the cycle
I explore these steps one-by-one, using metaphors and models to illustrate the major dynamics. Ultimately our path to wholeness & freedom - a path I call reunion-redemption-rapture - is to go through the matrix. This requires a poise, a gyroscopic equanimity, which allows us to maintain a humble & loving intention in the midst of our most furious & devious inner resistance. In this way, the matrix is revealed to be not merely a tool of division, but also a profound teacher, which shows us, through relentless antagonism, how to shed our elaborately layered vanities & discover the deeper, simpler goodness within, the natural & effortless expression of the open heart. Getting from our traumatized state to that natural state is what requires effort, because for as long as the trauma remains unresolved within us, it will tug us toward the fear state it's buried within, leaving us feeling fragmented, tempted, beleaguered, torn - difficult states in which to cultivate & maintain compassionate poise.
From a divine perspective, we are each & every aspect of the interplay, including the matrix, & so the experience is not merely a hero's journey to defeat or transcend the matrix, but also the harmonizing of the entire field in which the dynamic occurs. In other words, while we identify as the being that enters the matrix to find our freedom, in deeper truth, we are the matrix too, and the act of approaching the matrix with compassion rather than antagonism liberates the matrix from its role as tormentor, allowing that energy, too, to experience newfound peace & flow. You might say the matrix teaches us to be more like gOd, and by being more like gOd in the matrix's presence, we liberate the matrix - which on a deeper level is us, and is gOd too - to be more like gOd - a mutual healing born from an originally antagonistic posture.